So Complex

First of all I would just like to introduce you, the reader, to the new blog. I would like to start off with some thoughts about who I am, why I write blogs, and some of the topics that I find most interesting.

My name is Diego. I love my name and anything associated with it (i.e. San Diego). I currently attend the University of Colorado at Boulder and major in Accounting. Upon graduation I want to work in audit, being that I already have a job lined up with Ernst & Young. If you don't who that is, google it.

I come from a very sheltered and secluded background. I grew up in a very religious home with very strict rules about dating, sex, and certain other things. Today I am still religious in the sense that I know there is a God, that he has a purpose for mankind, and that the purpose he has for us has only been revealed to a small number of people earthwide.

I love to think. The title of this blog is "I wonder" based on my new favorite Kanye West song. It really has nothing to do with the song and it has more to do with the fact that I am always thinking. Thinking about what? For the most part issues that relate to people in general, regardless of your background, current status, or future endeavors.

I mainly like to focus on me and the shortcomings that I have. Sometimes there are instances when individually we question everything we're about. After, we tend to compare ourselves to the outside world as a whole, pondering deeply rooted issues that we might never explicate to anyone else. This blog will attempt to bring those issues out of my head and my heart and turn them into a topic for discussion (or at least something that is out there on the internet).


The Complexity
Last night I was having a discussion that made me realize two things: first, the reason that people don't really ever draw close to me and second, the problem that I have dealt with since the day I could remember.

I realized that I am a very complex individual. What I mean by that is that I don't fit into a "type" of person. I am not emo, gangster, thug, nerd, pervert, obnoxious school boy, shy talent, jock, skater, or anything of the sort. What I am is EVERYTHING at different times.

I was saying last night that I can be anything to anyone. Some might take that as being fake, but I mean it in a different sense. For instance, I can relate to all sorts of different groups of people. Why? I think it has a lot to do with my knowledge of the ins and outs of the way each "group" thinks. I can attribute this to a lot of TV watching, people watching, and first-hand experiences. I'm able to be a friend to anyone who wants friendship regardless of the differences that might be present.

The second issue that I realized is related to the first. You see I tend to take any relationship seriously, displaying care toward people that is rarrely seen in today's society. Why? I realize that my main goal in life is not to please everybody; however, I do have a responsibility to make sure that everyone I come into contact with is impressed by the person that I am. Even if they're not, I need to know that I have given it my best in my dealings with that person.

All of this leads to one conclusion. I am a big ol' sap. Well, not really, but I often see that these are two of the reasons that many people back off from me. You see, a lot of people are in fear of those that take the personal interest in them. They are also in fear of those that can relate to them even if there is a preconceived notion that they cannot. I can do both. People see that and they are unsure and cynnical about my intentions. This makes them standoffish and hard to grow attached to.

I can't help being this complex. I have realized over the past year that the complexity that I have is not really a good thing. However, the fact of the matter is that I cannot simply stop being complex. I have to find some way to make it work.

Hopefully I find that way before it's too late.

-d-