Hit That Bitch! Again! Again!

Some people, groups, corporations, and idiots just don't get it.

Have you ever known anyone that with an abusive spouse? Have you wondered why they continued to stay with them despite the fact that every ten minutes they got the piss beat out of them? Have you ever heard the excuses that they make for staying?

"I love him. He's good to me. He's faithful and would never do anything to hurt me." "It's all your fault; stay out of my business because it's not a problem for me." "He could never hurt me, he loves me with all his heart."

Right...

Some events that are currently occurring in my life remind me of these ridiculous statements that are made when people are in denial that they are getting screwed. For instance, another example would be someone who sells insurance but makes no commission off of the insurance that he sells. Even though you tell him over and over again, the problem lies in one word: DENIAL.

To some, the word denial is a nonexistent state. However, when something is clear and visible and yet you can't see what's going on, that's denial. Denial is when a small child could put the facts together and solve the puzzle, but you can't because you don't want to know the truth or you're in fact hiding the truth.

Sometimes the most obvious injustices are justified by the lack of sense by one of the parties. For instance, back to the example of the woman in the abusive relationship. No matter how many times she gets hit, no matter how hard she gets hit, and no matter how badly beaten she gets time after time, this woman cannot find it in herself to make what's wrong right. Why? For one, pride can get in the way. Pride can cause people to not see the true story of a matter. Admitting to one's mistakes creates a whole new set of problems for that individual. Denial gives that person a way to shift the burden of blame onto someone who is only trying to do the right thing.

Another reason people are in denial is because of fear of exposure. Kobe Bryant was a good example of this. A few years ago when he went out on a limb with a white girl here in Colorado, Kobe found himself in a bit of a quandary. What's the first thing he does? Deny it. A few weeks later, when things are leaking like a project faucet, Kobe turns around and comes clean, despite the fact that he denied wrongdoing. Why would someone innocent then come clean? Well, they did it. Why would they hide that they did it? Exposure. If someone comes to your house and you're buck naked on the couch, why do you put "something" on before answering the door? EXPOSURE.

Last night I talked about the difference between good and evil. I brought out the point that those who act deviously are often the ones who are never exposed. The more I think about the way of the world, the more I take to heart this fact. I can't believe that there are so many stupid people in the world who cannot see the facts about their relationships, procedures, processes and everything else.

Whatever.

-d-

Quality

Being that this blog is about my thoughts and because of the fact that most of my thoughts are based on the music of hip-hop, I thought a little introduction into the world that I so love would be beneficial to readers of this blog.

Commercialized "rap" is not the same as what I have fallen in love with. You see, the 50 Cent's, Ja Rule's, Eminem's, and Fat Joe's of the world make music that sells. With the exception of Eminem, you almost never hear an ounce of passion out of any of these commercial artists. You also fail to hear the truth behind some of the most pressing issues in society today.

The rundown of who I truly enjoy is as follows:

• Talib Kweli, Kanye West, Mos Def, Common, The Roots, De La Soul, ATCQ, Dead Prez, Gang Starr, Rakim, Nas...Etc.

Although there are many more that I can mention, these few here have been the ones to keep it real over the years. With the exception of Common (which I will write about in a future post) none of these guys has had any sell-out in them. They have kept it real. Maybe they tried to sell-out, but it certainly never seemed like they tried.

What separates these guys from the ringtone rap that you hear nowdays is one thing: PASSION. Passion is the most essential element of success. Without passion the telephone would have never been invented, google may never been thought of, and someone's passion for video created youtube, the phenomenon that will only grow over time.

Passion is essential in music because it demands respect. Some artists demand respect simply by flashing their name all across the internet. Real artists, however, put passion into their music and sell it to those that truly enjoy their passion.

My favorite artist in general is Kanye West. Kanye has been ridiculed for many things in life, however he has kept it real throughout by creating music that contains almost illegal levels of passion.

Some might argue that Kanye is a sell out. I would argue against that. My second favorite hip-hop artist is Talib Kweli. Kweli has been the deepest rhyme-spitter in the game for a long time. Some call him a "conscious" rapper, but to the contrary, he makes music that is true to his own self, even though it might seem that he is making music that is straight whack.

THe problem I have with Kweli, however, is this: his depreciating passion. If you listen to Kweli on the second track of the "Train of Thought" album, you could hear the fire and the burning in his voice. You could recognize that what he was spitting was some of the most heartfelt music in man's history. Now, take a listen to "Eardrum" and you will hear some passion, but a lot of it has dminished.

My love for Kanye's music is simple. Each time he puts something out--whether it be on a mixtape or on and album--he puts the same amount of passion into it as he did when he first started producing and spittin' lines. It's evident that the only thing Kanye lack is natural lyrical ability, but what he lacks there is made up with the passion that he creates his music with.

Passion. That is what makes good music GREAT, good food GREAT, good sex GREAT, good humans GREAT. WIthout passion, the Patriots wouldn't be 15-0 and shooting for regular season perfection.

Passion...synonymous with truth and greatness.

-d-

So Complex

First of all I would just like to introduce you, the reader, to the new blog. I would like to start off with some thoughts about who I am, why I write blogs, and some of the topics that I find most interesting.

My name is Diego. I love my name and anything associated with it (i.e. San Diego). I currently attend the University of Colorado at Boulder and major in Accounting. Upon graduation I want to work in audit, being that I already have a job lined up with Ernst & Young. If you don't who that is, google it.

I come from a very sheltered and secluded background. I grew up in a very religious home with very strict rules about dating, sex, and certain other things. Today I am still religious in the sense that I know there is a God, that he has a purpose for mankind, and that the purpose he has for us has only been revealed to a small number of people earthwide.

I love to think. The title of this blog is "I wonder" based on my new favorite Kanye West song. It really has nothing to do with the song and it has more to do with the fact that I am always thinking. Thinking about what? For the most part issues that relate to people in general, regardless of your background, current status, or future endeavors.

I mainly like to focus on me and the shortcomings that I have. Sometimes there are instances when individually we question everything we're about. After, we tend to compare ourselves to the outside world as a whole, pondering deeply rooted issues that we might never explicate to anyone else. This blog will attempt to bring those issues out of my head and my heart and turn them into a topic for discussion (or at least something that is out there on the internet).


The Complexity
Last night I was having a discussion that made me realize two things: first, the reason that people don't really ever draw close to me and second, the problem that I have dealt with since the day I could remember.

I realized that I am a very complex individual. What I mean by that is that I don't fit into a "type" of person. I am not emo, gangster, thug, nerd, pervert, obnoxious school boy, shy talent, jock, skater, or anything of the sort. What I am is EVERYTHING at different times.

I was saying last night that I can be anything to anyone. Some might take that as being fake, but I mean it in a different sense. For instance, I can relate to all sorts of different groups of people. Why? I think it has a lot to do with my knowledge of the ins and outs of the way each "group" thinks. I can attribute this to a lot of TV watching, people watching, and first-hand experiences. I'm able to be a friend to anyone who wants friendship regardless of the differences that might be present.

The second issue that I realized is related to the first. You see I tend to take any relationship seriously, displaying care toward people that is rarrely seen in today's society. Why? I realize that my main goal in life is not to please everybody; however, I do have a responsibility to make sure that everyone I come into contact with is impressed by the person that I am. Even if they're not, I need to know that I have given it my best in my dealings with that person.

All of this leads to one conclusion. I am a big ol' sap. Well, not really, but I often see that these are two of the reasons that many people back off from me. You see, a lot of people are in fear of those that take the personal interest in them. They are also in fear of those that can relate to them even if there is a preconceived notion that they cannot. I can do both. People see that and they are unsure and cynnical about my intentions. This makes them standoffish and hard to grow attached to.

I can't help being this complex. I have realized over the past year that the complexity that I have is not really a good thing. However, the fact of the matter is that I cannot simply stop being complex. I have to find some way to make it work.

Hopefully I find that way before it's too late.

-d-